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The Tribe

A family is more than just a group of people who eat together every night at the same table. A Family is a single tribe. A family is a place to rest, to learn, to be heard, to talk, to be yourself and to be complete. Each family is one tradition and it is one unique tradition. Family is family, that’s it.

Since the human race is a race, family is family and dealing with different situations, social and personal challenges is no different. I believe that the issue today is the transformation of the mono family to more complex structures.

Many families come to me because they are dealing with change: divorce, new partner, new house, “new” children. “I don’t know what to do for us to be a normal family”, “Her kids don’t respect me”, “What is my role, I’m not the mother” are common issues. 
You can chose to fight change and label it as stressful, challenging, difficult, or you can look at the change from a different perspective as a transformation; the choice is yours.

It is said that families begin, grow, transform and die. I say families only transform.
For those who choose to look from a different perspective, continue reading this article and familiarize yourself with some of the common topics I have come across over the years in my coaching practice. They are as follows:

"What is my role? I am not the father or mother"

You can choose your role, even though you cannot change the biological father or mother, and you can choose the role that you want to have as a child. Decide whether you want to be the friend, the stepfather or mother, the guardian, the lifesaver. Be honest with yourself, because children are really good in detecting your inner inconsistency. In addition, you have to realize that you must take action. Don’t wait for the child to give you space. A child needs to see, feel and hear that you want to be with them.

"They don't respect me"

As the old saying goes: “Respect is something that you earn” and if you are entering someone’s world, respect that world before you try to change it. I understand that sometimes there is the desire for everything to be running smoothly. But that is just a dream, certainly a beautiful one and one that can help you to maintain your enthusiasm. Every day is a new day and it is better for you to accept that.

"My partner has a different opinion about the kids'  education" 

It is very important that the couple discuss the education and raising of a child before deciding to live in the same house. Sometimes talking about it may prevent conflict because when you are unprepared and confronted with the differences, dealing with emotions is harder.

Having different opinions is not just a bad thing for the couple, it can also help the children to learn to deal with differences and be more flexible. And it is important that the adults create a secure base of understanding and are able to show to the child that even though they are different they are able communicate about that.

In a family, every day is a new day and a family is in constant inner transformation. If you are part of a family you are different every day. Keep the channels of communication open and stay curious about every new thing every day and about what is going on in your tribe.

Ask more and stop being judgmental

See what is and stop labelling

Be more open and stop keeping secrets

Talk about yourself and stop speculating about others

Be honest with yourself and stop blaming others

Be love, feel love, make love.

Ligia Ramos * In2Motivation